So, you think my son is a brat…
March 29th, 2010 | Author: Janine
I’m a member of a few forums, and often someone brings up their “pet peeve” of children being brats in stores, and their lazy parents. For the rest of this post, I will refer to people who say this as one person…Jane.
Would Jane call a parent “lazy” if their child who was in a wheelchair was taking too long to get where they were going, thus making Jane wait before she continues down the store aisle? Of course she wouldn’t.
Many children have sensory issues, which mean the noises, lights, and people in the store are too much for them to handle. These children will scream or try to run away because they can’t deal with everything that is going on. These kids are NOT brats, and it’s NOT bad parenting. How would Jane feel to be the parent in this situation?
I’ll never forget the time when Jacob was about 2 1/2 and I had to run to the grocery store for a few items. Yes, I knew what was going to happen, but I had nobody to watch him at the time and I needed food in the house. We were at the store and he was ok for a little while, then the screaming started. I tried to sooth him and hurry up to get out of there. Jane was there and said to her shopping companion (loud enough for me to hear of course) “You think she would be able to control her child!” then shot me a dirty look. At the time, I was too frazzled to say anything, so I hurried along to the checkout without half of the stuff I needed. I held it together until I got to my car, then I burst into tears.
Oh, I know there are some out of control kids out there that act out on purpose. So how do you know what kid is being a brat and which has sensory issues? You don’t. Children that have these kind of disabilities do not have any physical characteristics that are any different than Jane’s children.
By the way Jane, does your perfect child ever have a bad day? Never had a temper tantrum? Please…
So next time you see a stressed out mom with a screaming child, how about giving them a sympathetic look instead of a dirty one? Maybe say something like “I’ve been there too” with a little shoulder squeeze, instead of “Learn how to control your brat!”.
Maybe you can give a little comfort instead of making an already frazzled mom bawl in her car.
Posted in Autism, Everything Else, Featured, Jacob, Rants, Recent Posts | Tags: Autism, Jacob, Rants, sensory
15 Responses to “So, you think my son is a brat…”
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Totally! I mean come on these people act like children are robots without feelings and are suppose to just stand still hands on their sides, eyes forward…. Jane needs a reality check.
.-= grissell´s last blog ..What had happened was…. =-.
Thankfully my son doesn’t get stressed going out. Although he tends to be too well behaved for a kid his age.
A friend of my mine has had the same issue happen to her numerous times. Certain smells set off her child so sometimes the super market can be a little stressful to others.
What she did was print up cards that say “Please excuse the inconvenience, my son is autistic” Then on the other side it has details on what may trigger him, and a link to “autism.ie”.
Then when someone mouths off she hands that person the card and continues on with her son. It normally stops the smart remarks.
That is a great idea Simon. I read about other people doing that too. Thankfully, my son got through his sensory issues and now actually enjoys going to the stores. I wish I would have came across the business card idea back then. Thanks!
I like the idea above. My son is in a wheelchair and has sensory issues from his stroke. Fun times are always had at the store. My oldest has ADHD and ODD which makes for more fun times and seeing as ADHD runs in the family I’m fairly certain my two year will eventually be diagnosed as well. Shopping is never fun for us. But I can’t live in a box and I can’t afford a personal errand runner so people just have to deal with my kids sometimes. I’m just to tired to go shopping by the time I get them all in bed.
I totally agree with you! I am so thankful that my oldest doesn’t have many what we call “melt downs” in public very often. He also has the sensory issues of loud noises bother him. Thankfully he has had awesome teachers that have helped him during the firedrills at school.
Anyways, {huge hugs} as I know exactly what you are going through to some degree.
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Very well said. Let’s not be so quick to jump to conclusions and judge each other!
.-= blueviolet´s last blog ..I’m NOT That Old! =-.
Unfortunately, I was probably Jane at one point in my life…Before I had kids. Even without sensory issues, my kids have a tendency to throw a big old fit at the least convenient time. Thanks for the reminder that we should all cut our fellow moms a little slack.
.-= Lindsay @ Kids Are Teachers´s last blog ..100 Followers!!! =-.
Our son has similar troubles every time we go grocery shopping as a family. We have had many “Janes” roll their eyes or make whispered comments. I’ve wanted to say a few words that can’t be written here, but decide not to let them have that power over me. We’d rather do things as a family and deal with the tantrums and accusing stares then not get to spend that time together.
.-= Matt´s last blog ..Night Time Tantrums =-.
I’ve had this happen. My children do not have sensory perception isues, but they have not been feeling well or were overtired and just fell apart before. It’s so frustrating when your child acts out in a way that is unusual (for them) and someone else takes that to be their opportunity to “comment” on your parenting skills. I try to give those parents who are struggling a little encouragement even if it’s just with a knowing smile.
.-= MandyP´s last blog ..One-Up Weekends "Public Humiliation" =-.
Wow, Jane sounds like a grown-up brat
I don’t have kids but when I see a child in the store giving his/her parents a run for their money, I never shoot them dirty looks, because I don’t know their situation. I might think things that aren’t correct but I would never show those emotions outwardly…that’s just rude.
I have been doing just that the last few years. I have 9 living children and for the most part my kids were good. But we had a few days that were not great.
I usually tell the hairied mom. I have been there..
http://debbiellbriskincare.blogspot.com
MBC
Even without the idea of austim or sensory problems, it seems very immature to me that a stranger would feel that they have the right to say something rude to you if your child is acting out in the store. If he’s running up and down the aisles screaming and throwing things off the shellves and you pretend not to notice..well, MAYBE, lol. but it’s silly to me that people freak out because they have to listen to a 2 year old cry for 5 minutes. All kids have tantrums, regaurdless of how their parents are. It’s NORMAL. Is it really THAT big of a deal that you had to hear someone cry? come on. Sounds like the immature one is ‘Jane’ to me, not the little kid.
You preach it! We have ALL been there! And anyone who pretends they haven’t is lying. Compassion is necessary to life.
.-= Steph´s last blog ..Happy Spring! =-.
[...] the autistic spectrum also have something called Sensory Processing Disorder. If you read my post So, you think my son is a brat… you know that Jake has had his own share of sensory processing disorder. Often times you’ll [...]
Ahhh! Huge pet peeve of mine too! Actually 2 of my pet peeves rolled into one! I hate the cranky moms on the chat sites, I wrote about that a few weeks ago when I was personally attacked for some of my views on Autism.
And the looks at the store. I used to be one of those people! I was! But after J’s 1st 45 minute tantrum on the floor of a Target one time I never have again. In that moment, it was all about me and my baby. We were trying to solve that moment in time and get through it. I could care less what anyone else thought. And that is when it all changed for me. I never give looks anymore. You don’t know their story, or what could be going on for them.
My son “appears” “normal,” but he isn’t. So people can look all they want! I am not lazy, and my son is not a brat…most of the time.
.-= Jean´s last blog ..Thank you city of Manhattan =-.